Aloha, I apologize in advance as my writing has always been a challenge, spelling and grammar and so forth. When I read your post,what stuck out to me is when you were questioning the format and spoke of listening to others rants and raves and how it is slowing the process down. I've been here almost since the beginning and if I had a nickel for every time corn dog aka Cornelius passed me off or did something I judged to be wrong or slow, I would have a shit load of nickles! Like 20$ worth.
Control has been one of my strongest patterns and loops. Anytime I feel it should be different then how it is I suffer and believe me I still suffer from it. When I can listen and send love to whoever is picked I don't suffer. I'm so much better at watching the crazy, wounded control freak that always has something to say, usually negative. Before CH I was just it, I couldn't watch it .When I can get still and great full I don't suffer. There's a saying in the recovery movement " Keep coming back it works if you work it" .My ego has given 100,000 reasons to leave and why Cornelius is full of it. He triggers all the men who haven't been there or left and all my dad stuff. Fortunately my heart keeps me coming back and know that Corndog is a great, loving being who has done nothing but help me see the love inside myself . I don't know you but I love you. Keep coming back it really does work.
B